Communicate Your Needs At Work To Thrive As An Introvert

When you are more reserved, you might get questions like, "Why are you so depressed," "why are you so upset," or "what's wrong with you?" 

These are questions about why you are not living up to someone else's expectations of outgoingness when you are a more quiet person. So there is nothing wrong with you!

Introverts get their energy from quiet spaces and time with their thoughts and spend energy on socialization and loud environments. Our source of energy doesn't make us socially awkward. However, being asked tons of questions about why we are not extroverted can cause social awkwardness.

In Susan Cain's book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," she talks about how we live in an extrovert's world. Especially here in the US.

This misdiagnosis of and to introverts is frustrating!

So how can we, as introverts, rise above the frustration and thrive?

We turn to those high-performing introverts that have come before us. The quieter folks who paved their own path and changed the world!

What made the difference for all those high-performing introverts, like Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, or Albert Einstein?

It was the ability to stay with a problem longer than others. Warren Buffet famously reads for 8 hours a day each year to make ONE informed investment. Steve Jobs had a knack for thinking about how the world could be different with the technology we used and created some of the biggest and best consumer products ever. Einstein found ideas that transformed how our world and universe works because he stuck with one question.
Focusing on problems longer than others has nothing to do with how social you are or are not. It has nothing to do with public speaking or bars or parties. It's not about getting things perfect or perfectionism. It's about playing to your superpowers of observation and insight. It's about speaking up about what you need from others and the world.

Years ago, during my software career, I was at lunch with a co-worker talking about how I organize communication to stay on task and focused. I answer emails twice a day, have periods where I ignore instant messenger and get my work done. But, he replied, "what if I have something urgent that you need to help me with?"
I replied, then you need to use the phone or knock at the door. If it's urgent, you'll act urgently and not send an email or IM.

This turned into a huge argument over how to communicate. Why? It's because I set boundaries to protect my focus. Finally, after going around in circles in the discussion, he asked me why I was angry and upset with him.

Why? Because I held my ground and spoke up for my focus. And after a while, I did get frustrated with him because we kept talking in circles. BUT, I communicated what I needed at work to be successful.

So what can we do when we are asked, "Why are you so depressed", "why are you so upset," or "what's wrong with you?"

We can reply, thoughtfully, what we need and that we are thinking about our contribution to the conversation, the topic at hand, or our legacy.