Gratitude is the Attitude
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Shawn Buttner: [00:00:00] Gratitude is the attitude. In today's episode of the Meaningful Revolution, in celebration of Thanksgiving Day here in the States, we're doing the cliche thing and talking about gratitude. But! There's a reason, right? The happiest people create the most gratitude in their day. if you've been struggling with stress, overwhelm, or general malaise, gratitude is something that you can create in your life and you can control that will change how you feel.
And what I know, having worked with high performing creators and high performing people, in my coaching business is that you probably are too hard on yourself, especially if you're a high performer, especially if you are striding and doing the work, it can be very easy to overlook all of the great things you've done, all the things you've checked off, all the things you've [00:01:00] positive, positively impacted out in the world with people.
And. Just focus on the next thing and focus on everything that's wrong with the next thing, right? as I'm your host, Shawn Buttner. I'm a high performance coach of almost 10 years now and I've had times in my life when I was so focused on the day to day that I couldn't enjoy my life and I'll get to that here in a bit, but when I learned the gratitude exercises I'll share later in this episode.
Everything changed. So what we're going to talk about today is why you create gratitude and why you never actually have gratitude. It's always something you create. How gratitude makes you happier.
We're going to talk about three practices you can start today to change how you feel, to feel more gratitude, to create more gratitude in your life.
this is the Meaningful Revolution podcast where high performing creators nerd out and level up their productivity. Let's begin.
Why you create gratitude (and why you never have it)
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Shawn Buttner: All right, so let's start with why you [00:02:00] create gratitude and why you actually never have or hold gratitude. It's because Gratitude is a decision. It's a decision to pay attention to the things that are going right or the things that are good in your life. And so it's against human nature a lot of times to focus on the positive or to ignore or to minimize the things that are painful in our lives.
And It can really change how you approach your job, your relationships, your wellness and life. When you realize you can make a conscious decision every day to create gratitude in your life. And again, I say create because it's a choice to focus on what's good and what's going good in your life. It's a, discipline.
In a lot of ways, a lot of other people in the personal [00:03:00] development space will talk about gratitude, but it's a discipline for you to consistently create gratitude in your life. Because in most cases, you've heard the trope of if we were talking. about quality of life 30 years, or not 30 years, 100 years ago.
People didn't have fridges. Most people didn't have cars or were just starting to get cars. There was no TV. A lot of the luxuries and things that make life super easy and super taken for granted, didn't exist. And so we live in a world of abundance, in a world of a lot of cool things. If you take a moment and think, if you have a cell phone, that device is communicating to a small piece of metal in space, which is then relaying your data, your phone calls, and, GPS coordinates and what name you, to your device, finding a piece of metal in your pocket, [00:04:00] right?
The amount of technologically craziness that happens between.you listening to this on your phone, in your car, or on your commute, or when you're working out, is immense. And, if you really think about it, there should be a sense of awe behind it, but it's also,paying attention and really thinking through, like, all that stuff happens.
A signal comes from a piece of metal, in your pants, or in your hand, to a phone. Flying, something flying super quick around the world and bounces it to another piece of metal on the piece of the world or server, which then finds you back on the earth somehow. I'll just keep iterating that.
That's mind blowing. So we can choose to go down that rabbit hole and to really think about stuff like that, or [00:05:00] that you've always had a parent that shows up when you really need them. Or that you have a team that's mostly good, right? Maybe it's your manager that's the jerk, you have people around you that support you, that are cheering you on, and there's a sense of connection you can create with people when you have gratitude and create gratitude for other people in your life.
and that's essentially how gratitude can make you feel happier, right? It's getting you out of your personal experience and getting you into paying attention to what's around you.
How gratitude can make you happier
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Shawn Buttner: And I think it was Mr. Rogers said, is anytime there's a tragedy out in the world, you should look for the helpers, look for the people running towards the fire, running towards the disaster, wanting to help people.
And if you pay attention to those people, you feel a sense of Oh, we were in this together. [00:06:00] There's a sense of community. There's a sense of connectedness and that little act of realizing that, Oh, there's people in your life that are running towards you. Not saying that you're a disaster, but there are people running towards you wanting to help.
the fact that you're listening to my voice on this podcast, I want to help you. That is part one of my missions, is to help people be the best versions of themselves through this process called high performance. Through interviewing people about what they nerd out about, and what they're passionate about, and deconstructing that for you.
To help you say, maybe, you know what, I should double down on the things that I find meaningful. I'm Shawn Buttner. But it's different for everyone, right? It's not a work thing. It's not starting a business thing. It's not seeing your family all the time kind of a thing. it's that unique mix that we all have, that everyone has, and you have to find for [00:07:00] yourself.
But thinking about it, paying attention to it, and being grateful for the things that are going right for your life can help you be the best person you possibly can be.pay attention and create gratitude for the people around you. And the people that deserve it, too. There are jerks that do not deserve it.
I get it, right? I'm sure some of you, maybe, are thinking about those people right now. But, We could talk about forgiveness on another thing, but Pay attention to the people that have a positive impact in your life. I think you might not realize it. And it could be a very powerful experience to be like, Oh, parents, my brother, my sister, my spouse, the kids, these five people that I constantly see at work are all generally rooting for me to succeed.
and I'll share a story here. I'm a amateur musician, I did open mic [00:08:00] circuit at one point in my life, very regularly. And so what I learned, especially being an introvert and kind of afraid of, large groups of people, but playing guitar in front of people is something I decided, you know what, I want to figure this out for myself and just experience the not dying part of it.
Cause it felt very existential. What I found going week after week for three or four years, like every Tuesday, I go do open mic, play guitar in front of strangers. I would say of those like four years that I did that super consistently, Maybe one person was a jerk about it. Most other people would politely clap, would be like, Hey, it's you!
Hey, there, you're doing it again! Good job, hey, those vocal lessons are really paying off, which is like that backhanded compliment, but it was also like, oh, you're seeing improvement, And you're getting better. [00:09:00] experiencing joy because you've seen a very terrible act get mediocre or a mediocre act getgood, right?
that's probably where I was good for a little bit in that regard, but most people are cheering you on and if I paid attention to the one or two people that got really weird about it during those four years, it could ruin that whole experience, but I learned. a lot and grew a lot. And one realized I wasn't going to die if I was, in front of people on a stage, which is a very important skill to have, especially when you're talking to people on the internet or through podcasts or whatnot.
but it also proved to me that most people want you to succeed. And that's the whole point of that quick story. But, that feeling of, those four years too, because of that, there was this feeling of, [00:10:00] being in a community or club where there's other musicians and people that loved music in the community that were constantly saying, Hey, this is cool.
I'm glad that you're helping create something that we all can enjoy together. And I think, I'm really grateful for that moment in time. And I'm really grateful for that lesson because it's carried through in my coaching career, in my career as a sophomore engineer, and I've seen it happen with my clients when they can connect with that community and realize that people are generally trying to cheer them on, that it can really we're social creatures.
It really changed how you show up and how you feel about your life. So I'm out. Hit that horse too many more times, but okay,
Three practices you can do today to change how you feel. First exercise.
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Shawn Buttner: so we have three practices for you that can help you create and generate gratitude in your life, right? the first thing is an internal thing, and I love this exercise, from [00:11:00] my high performance coaching background, and that is you get a blank sheet of paper.
Step number one. Step number two, you write every accomplishment you've ever had, big and small. And it's learning how to tie your shoes to getting that award for public speakingthat you did 15 years ago. Or you are also writing down, the fact that you got out of bed today. maybe that's enough.
But whatever it is, big and small.set a timer for 15 minutes and just rack your brain and put everything you've ever accomplished big and small on a piece of paper. What I've seen, happen when people do this in my coaching practice is they struggle for a couple minutes, they start getting into some momentum.
Usually you cut them off before they can complete the whole page or [00:12:00] pages as they continue to keep going. And a lot of people have a emotional experience of Oh, I have done a lot. I've had a lot of good things happen or a lot of amazing things have been impacted because of me. And it's an emotional thing, which it's a beautiful thing about the work that I do that can happen sometimes.
You also realize, people will realize, that by doing that they're so geared into what's coming next that they don't take time to pause. Take a deep breath. And incorporate the good things that they're doing out in the world. And that profoundly changes how you approach your work or how you approach your day.
When you know that, oh, when I do these things that I tend to do every day, it's [00:13:00] impacting people. It's something I'm proud of that is out in the world. And Going through the generating this list or going back to this list if you do it and then say in three days you're like man you're really beating up on yourself or like I don't know what I'm doing here like why am I doing this you know I don't really feel connected to what I'm doing day to day you could pull up that piece of paper and go oh no I've done a lot in my life or for this job I've done a lot for this job I'm really proud of it Let's take a beat and then get back to it.
It's really profound. I highly recommend and I love this exercise. I hope you do too.if you do, message me on Instagram. I'll have that down in the show notes and let me know how this exercise went for you. I'd love to hear from you and highlight you guys in a future episode but check this exercise out.
The second thing is so you do This inventory for things that you've done, that you have [00:14:00] control of, that you want to pay attention to, that's amazing in your world.
Second Exercise.
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Shawn Buttner: The second thing is to send notes of gratitude and appreciation to others. And this is generating that feeling of gratitude because, you can't give what you don't have.
And I hope you, you write that down,if you do not feel gratitude for your spouse, you have to create that feeling or think, Oh, it was really great when my wife took care of that thing for me, right? Or that coworker did a really excellent job on that presentation and really turned around what would have been a bad sales meeting.
you have to sit, think, feel that sense of gratitude in order to then put that into words or put that into, yeah, put that into words or a letter or whatever, and you send it. And It's a [00:15:00] physical monument of gratitude. This is something that one of my good friends, Sherry Blue, has been on the podcast before.
I'll have a link to her episode, which is all about saying the thing now. It's Say It Now is the name of her book. It's all about saying gratitude in the moment and being really present in the moment.it's a great episode. Check it out, but When you leave a voicemail or, send a letter or, send flowers, you have this physical manifestation of a feeling of goodwill and gratitude towards someone.
And again, you have to feel it in order to send it out, so you can help train you. If you're like, wow. I feel really uncomfortable writing down all my accomplishments, I don't think that'll really help me. Send three notes of appreciation a day to everyone around you in your life, Leave a note for your [00:16:00] barista, the coffee person, Leave a note for the grocer, leave a note for a family or friend or, create a voice message for them. It'll turn everything around, I promise. And it's cool. It's a really cool exercise, so I hope you do that.
Third Exercise.
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Shawn Buttner: the third exercise I have for you, that my good friend Mike Seeley talked about on the podcast a couple years ago, is the Morning Gratitude Journal exercise.
I'll link to that so you can get more details on that. I don't remember exactly what it is, but, I know from High Performance and the High Performance Planner that Brenda Burchard has, starting your day feeling and generating gratitude for your life helps inoculate your brain from negativity during the day, right?
It's really hard to fixate on the fact that The dryer broke today and it ruined how you're gonna plan your day. [00:17:00] One, you're already feeling grateful that you get to spend time with your family because it's the weekend or whatever, um,it's writing down, sometimes, People process verbally, people process in pictures, people process writing things down or just thinking about it.
find the things that work for you. I have found when I am at my best and do a morning gratitude journal of things that I'm looking forward to, think people that I'm grateful for, and I'm going to send a note to, I start the day with that intention of, Oh, I got to reach out to these people and say, Hey, you mean a lot to me.
And this is why, and you're doing great, keep going, whatever the message is. it's such a different type of day. That's what I'll say. And so I would experiment. Go for a week, pull out a journal or a piece of [00:18:00] paper, and just ask yourself, what am I excited for this week, who am I grateful for, and who will I send.
Notes of appreciation to, and what are things that I've done in the past week that I'm proud of, like a mini version of that first exercise we did, and you'll see. So test it out, try it out. If you're skeptical, totally get it, but, you gotta try it out to know that's the truth, so I hope you do.
okay, again. We talked about why you create gratitude and why you never actually have it. it's something that has intention behind it. It's where you focus, and when you focus that on other people, it helps you feel connected and helps you feel community. Then we talked about the list everything, accomplishment exercise, big and small, on a piece of paper, set a timer for 15 minutes, see how far you get.
[00:19:00] Doing notes of gratitude for other people, showing appreciation, because you have to create gratitude in order to give it to other people. And then the morning gratitude journal of just answering some questions of what you're excited about, who you're going to appreciate today, so having attention on that, and then things that you are proud of for the last week.
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The New Year's Revolution LIVE
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Shawn Buttner: Real quick, I wanted to let you know that we're starting to plan the New Year's Revolution Live Zoom, which I do every year at the start of the year, which is going to be on January 3rd, which is a Friday this year. if you are interested in some goal setting and getting your year set straight right at the beginning, you can go take a look in the show notes below.
I have a link where you can direct message me on Instagram and just DM me "revolution" and I'll send you the details.
Check out my previous interview "Say it Now/ with Sherry Belluh"
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Shawn Buttner: Hey, [00:20:00] if you loved this episode, you might like this episode with Sherry Belluh, or the episode with Mike Seeley. You can find those in the show notes, or if you're watching on YouTube, go over here, and we'll see you in that episode.
